Missing My Hair Identity

ok so ive been blonde my whole life. i love being blonde despite all the jokes, it just fits me. just this year my hair started turning brown... its not even a rich pretty brown, its an ugly mousy brown. i hate it and i dyed my hair for the first time in rebellion against my changing hair. i dyed it like a kind of red tinted blonde and i liked it but the roots have grown out and i'm wondering if i should except my fate and go brunette. idk it just seems so weird after all these years to have such a drastic change, but sometimes change is good.