Broken

i am so crushed by the pain of my peers... everywhere i look lives are falling to pieces. drink. drugs. divorce. death. children abandoned or emotionally abused. people treated worse than animals. relationships breaking over and over again until there is nothing left. my soul aches for these. homeless, helpless, hopeless people. i prayed, "God break my heart for what breaks yours" and so he did. but now that my heart breaks for the brokenhearted, what am i to do? am i really doing all i can? i am getting my degree, pursuing the means to help, and i pour myself into the lives of those around me but is it doing any good? i keep telling myself that i cannot save them, that only God can, but i so long for them to be saved. not just spiritually but also from their earthly pain... or at least to experience God and the hope of Christ through earthly pain. it seems that so many are succumbing to darkness. they get to a place where they dont even want help anymore... must i sit by and watch dear loved ones face daily death and despair? i am willing to suffer for the sake of the gospel of Christ in order that they be restored, but do i suffer in vain if they are not? spare the weak O God! do not turn a deaf ear to those in anguish! listen to my plea O God, not for myself but for the sake of your holy name vindicate the downtrodden. HERE AM I LORD SEND ME... i grow so impatient with developing my gifts and training my mind. help me to see what YOU will have me see and throw away what YOU will have me throw away.

there was a great victory today praise God! it was not of me, i was not speaking, nor was i even present but finally God answered a desperate cry for help. i pray that, that cry is answered for another and another and another until all see the majesty and glory of our Most High God.

i realized just now that i never finished typing up my journal from my DC trip. since i see it as a defining moment in my life i will resume work on that project and have it up ASAP

Because He Luvs Me...

i always make a point to post on Valentines day or about it at least. this year is a somber one for me. i love valentines still dont get me wrong...just not this one. i got roses from my daddy this year and they are beautiful :) i got them a week ago and they are still gorgeous. my roommate walked past and asked me "how are your flowers still so pretty?" i said, "because they luv me" prolly cuz they also kno i need it right now. iv just been thinkin that every girl doesnt get swept off her feet ya kno? love doesnt solve the problem of life. life happens. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. and maybe i should be ok with that. im so angry and tired. seems like im always wrong. i kno wat im supposed to do and yet it is so hard for some reason. its right there in front of me and yet... most days i dont even want it. real life hurts. its so much easier to just hide away in fantasies and fairytales. its a daily struggle against myself and more often than not i lose. ive been a Christian my whole life and instead of getting easier it just gets harder and harder. every time i stray from God i find out the hard way y He gave me a conscience. it irks me that i am so easily enticed away from His protection. iv never really had to fight before. it has always been so easy. but now...i seem to fail at every turn. Why does God let these things happen? y cant i just figure it out the easy way? y does He let me get into these situations and wind up with my heart broken? ....Because He luvs me...

Snot Over Yet

So today in my prophet’s class I was taking a test which I had thoroughly studied for the night before and was fairly confident on. When I got close to the last page I realized that my nose had started running and all the sniffing in the world didn’t seem to help the situation. I very discreetly wiped the drip on my lip off onto the sleeve cuff of my sweatshirt and proceeded to answer the next question. The second time I tried this maneuver it didn’t work so well.... in wiping the drip from my lip the second time it caused kind of a chain reaction. The more snot I wiped from my nose the more it started coming out. I soon began to panic because though I was close to the end of the test, and many people had already left, there were a few more students and my professor still in the classroom and I really didn’t want them to witness my little problem. On top of that I was running out of cuff space. So while still answering questions I balled up my left sleeve in my hand and took one good long swipe at my nose as I finished the test. I then gingerly stood and handed the test to my teacher in hopes that no one would notice my balled up sleeve and wonder y I couldn’t stop sniffing, and scurried out of the room to the bathroom where I blew my nose and removed my damaged sweatshirt. All this because I forgot to take my allergy pill.

Sometimes life is like this. A problem comes up that we don’t want anyone to notice so we use a quick fix instead of getting at the root of the problem, or better yet taking steps to prevent the problem in the first place. So many times I use quick fixes for life’s daily problems because I’m too lazy, busy, tired, or apathetic. I think to myself that as long as I can cover it up so that other people don’t see it, then I won’t really have to sit down and deal with it. This never works, because the more I “swipe at the snot” or use a quick fix, the more the problem grows. I don’t have it all figured out, but as I was thinking about this incident today it struck me as quite funny and yet truly applicable to other areas in my life.

I hope this makes you smile even if it is a little gross lol