It’s funny when you look back on your life and realize how far you have come. Old pictures have a way of bringing bitter sweet memories to mind. When you see someone you loved that has moved away or drifted from you it reminds you of the good times and the bad. So much can change in an instant…
Remember how awkward and scary your first day of high school was? I do. When I started this blog I truly was a “Teenage Hermit” and that’s all I wanted to be. I liked playing the part of the misunderstood artist who struggled along trying to find her place in the world. Now I don’t want that life. I’m tired of the loneliness and the emptiness that comes from isolation. It’s funny, isn’t it, how our perspectives change with circumstance, age, and maturity? What will become of me now? What will I do with my new found self? Confidence is a new thing I’ve learned along with tact or diplomacy as I like to call it. I am still searching for my place in this world, but this time not as a rebel (which is how I always thought of myself inwardly). I can feel something stirring like I’ve never felt before. Where is it coming from? Where is it going?
This year as I’ve grown much closer to God I discovered that I have often been a compulsive liar. This is not ever a good thing to admit to being. However, I have slowly begun to try and change this behavior. Why did I lie? Why does anyone lie? Because they are afraid. Afraid of what? Well anything really people’s reactions to truth, self resentment, reality. To be honest with others you must first be honest with yourself. If you can’t accept reality then why should they? Then you must admit to God that you are a “that” so that He can change you into a “this.”
Those little moments that seem to make life worth while are just that “little” moments. I’m learning how to delight in those moments and forget about the rest. “Happiness is a choice.” As my mom always says. Well I’m beginning to believe her.
