(disclaimer: this account is not for the squimish. please do not read if you cannot handle gore) well things aren't turning out quite like i hoped this year so far, what a shocker lol. it is only 17 days into 2011 and i already im not feeling optimistic about this year. (it probably started before this, but this story is a good place to start) over Christmas break i committed to watch and take care of the houses/pets of 3 different people. well i was volunteered for one of them but thats not the point. the house with the most animals and maintenance is the one i slept over at for a good chunk of break. they had 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a bird. on new years eve we went to a family thing for a couple of hours then i hung out with my friend amber all night. we stayed up till 5am watching chick flicks and talking. it was a blast... the next morning i went to check on all the animals and when i got to the birdcage, about to change the bird's food... i found the bird lying in the bottom of the cage. New Years Day, January 1, 2011 started for me, with a dead bird. i called the family and expressed my deep condolences, i felt terrible though there was nothing i could have done. this, i thought, could not be a good sign for the coming year. ok i am not superstitious, im just being cynical. a few days later we found that my mom's turkey "Christmas" had been torn to shreds by coyotes and pieces of him were scattered all over the yard to be latter redistributed by my dog Fiona. now i did not like that turkey. he attacked me every time i went out to do the barn chores and i had to carry a stick to keep him away from me... but... even though i hated him that would be a pretty awful way to die. i found the dog carrying around his leg and i had to dispose of it. not pleasant.
you may be wondering what profound pearls of wisdom i have gleaned from these experiences that i want to humbly share with you. i however, must disappoint you because there are no such pearls. i just feel like complaining about my crappy start to the new year. who will i be in 2011? what will define this year? so far i don't like where things are headed, but really the only thing i can do is change my attitude. sometimes that is really hard. im not sure why. after all Christian's are not supposed to feel depressed or have trouble trusting God with their lives. especially not Christians that were raised in a wonderful and loving home. sometimes i wonder if other people wonder what is wrong with me. or if they just assume that my moodiness is a natural character flaw. and sometimes i wonder if it is too. i wonder if the world sees me differently than i see myself. and ultimately i wonder if God sees me differently than i see myself, and o how i hope he does... most people choose to make resolutions for the new year to better themselves, but each year i seem to make a habit of running headlong for old patterns and vices again and again. sorry to leave this post on a depressing note but my mind suddenly ran out of steam.
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